Yea... I know it's been a while...

why?
I think because of lately, I found my life's so full that I got no time for blogging.  And now, I got more time to be killed.  Another why pops...
Coz I've been a hikikomori

not real hikikomori

but what you'r going to call a person who is
stayin alone in her room, doing nothing, communicate with people through net, letting her mouth dry of not speaking to anybody, had no effort of meeting people... 
It feels empty though.

They're still there for me, but it's not my place to beg of their assistance nor accompaniment.  I believe in friendship, but I have not really trust a friend.  This is what I'm scared the most.  Left behind, struggling that everyhting seems to be all right.  Just like what I used to be, the melancholist me, the pathetic teenage girl with all of her complaints of her hell-a-like life.

I was being positive.  I did try to act accordingly and I became tougher than ever.
But suddenly this feeling shook my counciousness.
This feeling of unsafety.



It's been a while...

that I stumbled upon my bed, hiding among the pillows, tightly covered with my blanket.  It's the noises outside driving me anxious.  It's my heartbeat inside getting me thrilled.  It's the pictures of them slicing up my lungs.  It's the part of my brain, cointains him, causing suffocation.

I feel unsafe of exposing all this lament
I feel unsafe of staying alone in my room
I feel unsafe of thinking ANYthing

I just need...
I don't know

maybe a good night sleep
maybe a sweet, milky cup of coffee
maybe another serving of Kyle XY

Hope it will soon get better